Confessions
of a Rogue Male Gareth
Latraille
May 2006 - Mission
Impossible III
Life on the dole is a thoroughly
depressing affair. After nearly three months living off your hard earned
tax monies and still no job on the horizon a general fug has shrouded my
normally sunny outlook.
Still you get a lot of free time and with
that in mind I went to watch Mission Impossible III.
Tom Cruise reprises the role of Ethan Hunt
once more in an installment that while an improvement on M:I II is still
nowhere near the heights scaled by Hunt’s first outing.
It is at times thrilling (in particular a
fire fight on a bridge involving a jet and helicopter), and funny
(escaping IMF HQ Hunt jams communications with Sister Sledge’s We
Are Family) but it is patchy with a barely explained plot and
under-drawn villains. Something about a Rabbit’s Foot…I dunno…I
had to go to the toilet and missed some important exposition.
Philip Seymour Hoffman seems a little too
flabby to convince as a foe for the Cruiseter and we find out little
about him.
Simon Pegg has a minor but memorable role
as an IMF techie and that’s about it really.
To be honest I was more interested in the
people around me at the cinema as shame of shames I went to see the film
during the day…by myself.
I always wondered what kind of person did
that and now I know.
I entered the cinema trying to carry off a
demeanour that suggested that a) I wasn’t a sad loner, b) I wasn’t a
sad loner pervert and c) that I was actually meeting someone and not a
sad loner pervert (repeated looks at the clock sorted this one out).
I think I carried it off well…well at
least not looking like a pervert as surely any self-respecting pervert
would have bought a ticket for Kelly Brook’s Three which was
also showing.
Around me in the auditorium were similar
rogue males although the nearest to me seemed to be surreptitiously
filming with a camcorder tucked into his bag. It’s good to see British
industry fighting back against the Tiger economies of South-East Asian
film piracy.
Elsewhere towards the back were two
morbidly obese middle-aged women who were carrying large bags of
McDonald’s takeaway. I presume they smuggled this in against the
cinema’s strict food policy, an Impossible Mission in itself.
While the food did not self-destruct in 5 seconds it was certainly eaten
in the same time.
The whole solo-cinema thing was not as bad
as I was expecting, if still a bit sad. Perhaps I should set-up a dole
queue cinema club although after one look around the Job Centre it
becomes evident that the other bludgers’ money goes straight to the
pub and bookies conveniently located opposite.
Who knows I might go by myself again…I
hear that new Kelly Brook film is quite good!
January 2006 - Big
Brother/The Root of All Evil/ Life On Mars
A new year, another mile
on the clock and the clammy hand of death, if not tapping me on the
shoulder, is definitely calling my name from the horizon.
I have made no
resolutions; I am far too fond of the common vices to consider cutting
down and far too poor to increase my intake of them.
Having said that I
wanted to stop watching crap telly but like all new years resolutions it
would be a futile gesture that I had no intention of keeping. Besides
the 2006 schedules have offered little else.
And so it was with fear
and dread that I dropped in on the latest series of Celebrity Big
Brother.
Within 15 minutes of
watching I found myself agreeing with “Gorgeous” George Galloway.
It was time to switch
off the television.
The debate in the house
had turned to the animal kingdom. No, not whether it was more
intelligent than the housemates, but fur and vegetarianism.
Jodie Marsh declared
that the killing of any animal was murder and began to put forward her
argument in a manner that usually ends with “I’ll tell you when
I’ve had enough!”
Galloway, after biting
his tongue for some time, finally broke saying words like “murder”
should not be thrown around so easily.
Marsh retorted that
these were her opinions and he could not tell her that she was wrong.
Fascinating stuff I’m
sure you’ll agree. As riveting discourse goes this was not Galloway vs
Hitchens mk II.
Meanwhile, fake
celebrity Chantelle was given the task of convincing the other
housemates that she was actually a bone fide celebrity. Funny that,
isn’t that what the rest of them are trying to convince us of?
Staying with Channel 4
and on an entirely different level was The Root of all Evil?
Part one of Professor Richard Dawkins’ two-part treatise
on religion. Dawkins is an atheist and rationalist. He argued that all
religion led to hate. Faith in God and unquestioning obedience in
ancient superstition and ritual were foreign to him.
On his travels he met
with an American Evangelical Minister and a Jew-turned-Muslim in
Jerusalem. He was not afraid to put forward his views to either with as
much passion as their beliefs in their respective religions.
This led me to believe
that the question mark placed in the programme title was probably not at
his suggestion. Nervousness over dipping a toe in the dangerous waters
of religious debate seemed evident with the noticeably short advert
breaks throughout the programme.
Over to BBC 1 and the
launch of the much advertised prime-time drama Life on Mars
starring John Simm.
Simm plays DCI Sam
Taylor, a 21st Century cop heading up a murder investigation
in present day Manchester.
The police station is
all mod cons and cool washed out colour.
After being knocked down
by a car he wakes up in 1973.
The coppers are now more
Sweeney than CSI. The station is all smoke stained paperwork and varying
shades of brown.
Taylor’s new
colleagues are sexist, uncouth and full of smoky, booze filled banter.
WPC’s are there to
tend with cuts and bruises and the target for the odd wolf-whistle in
the squad room.
Taylor, now a
fish-out-of-water, brings modern day, professional sensibilities to
investigations. His trail-of evidence detached approach being squarely
at odds with his colleagues and superior (Philip Glenister).
Is this time travel,
madness or coma based fantasy? The latter seems more likely as Taylor
hears voices that seem to emanate from some distant hospital bedside.
In this first episode we
are kept guessing though and nicely set up for the rest of the series
with hints the same case links both eras.
Part of the attraction
is the obvious humorous nods to The Sweeney, Starsky & Hutch and
other 70s made mutton-chop-cop adventures.
We can laugh about how
times have changed for better and worse and fantasise about what we
would do in a similar situation.
November 2005
Part 2 - War of the Worlds
The chances of anyone liking this film are
a million to one!
Based upon H.G. Wells’ novel, Steven
Spielberg directs this adaptation and relocates to 21st
Century New York.
Across the world concentrated lightning
strikes are destroying all electrical goods. From the centre of these
strikes gigantic alien tripods appear from underground. Within seconds
they are killing everyone in their paths.
Caught up in the middle of this is Ray
(Tom Cruise), a crane driver and divorced father of two. He has problems
with responsibility and can barely relate to his young daughter Rachel
(Dakota Fanning) or teenage son Robbie (Justin Chatwin).
When the carnage begins Ray has to protect
his children and get them to a safe place.
Tom Cruise is phenomenally miscast as
blue-collar slob Ray Ferrier. He has very little to do throughout the
film apart from run and look scared.
Dakota Fanning comes from the precocious
child school of drama; acting and talking like she 40 years old when in
fact she’s probably ten. This is soon very irritating.
A cameo appearance from Tim Robbins as a
creepy would-be resistance leader is only there, it seems, for
exposition.
Scenes of refugees and dead bodies
floating down river have been lent an eerie resonance by recent events
in New Orleans. Yet this is all merely coincidental.
The special effects are stunning even on
the small screen but cannot mask a lack of drama or pace. The ending is
sudden, poorly explained and barely involves Cruise.
A real let down from a director and star
who usually deliver much better fare.
War of the Worlds – certificate 12
Available to rent or buy on DVD and
VHS.
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